Ah, the European Central Bank, the esteemed institution that has graced us with a study on the digital euro, a document as dense as a fruitcake and about as digestible. I must say, it’s a riveting read, if you’re the sort who finds excitement in the phone book or the assembly instructions for a flat-pack wardrobe.

The report, in its infinite wisdom, seems to have overlooked one tiny, insignificant detail: the programmability of the digital euro. It’s akin to writing a cookbook and forgetting to mention the part where you actually cook the food. But fear not, dear reader, for the ECB has provided us with a comprehensive analysis of the digital euro’s potential impact on the economy, society, and the environment. It’s a bit like being handed a beautifully wrapped gift box, only to open it and find it’s empty. Programmability is a key feature of digital currencies that allows for the creation of smart contracts, which are self-executing contracts with the terms of the agreement directly written into code. This feature enables a wide range of applications, from automated escrow services to decentralized finance (DeFi) applications, which are transforming the financial industry.

Most Cryptocurrencies, also have the Ethereum Virtual Machine (EVM) and run on Solidity, a feature as crucial to their operation as a steering wheel is to a car. It’s the engine that powers the whole operation, the conductor that orchestrates the symphony of transactions. And what does the digital euro have? Well, it seems the ECB is still rummaging around in the toolbox looking for the instruction manual.

And let’s not forget the army of developers that cryptocurrencies have at their disposal familiar with Solidity coding language. These are the foot soldiers on the front lines, the ones turning the cogs and keeping the machine running smoothly. The digital euro, meanwhile, seems to be relying on the equivalent of a lone mechanic with a rusty spanner.

Dear ECB, while your effort is commendable, it’s a bit like bringing a knife to a gunfight. The digital euro, in its current form, is like a bicycle trying to compete in a Formula 1 race. But don’t worry, I’m sure there’s a participation trophy somewhere with your name on it.